I recently was a part of an online discussion about abortion. I felt limited in how I could respond because it was not my blog and I didn’t feel it my place to fill up someone else’s space. However, after posting my comments I felt as though I had not expressed all or how I wanted to in that space at that time. So, I thought I would use this forum to complete my feelings concerning this very divisive issue.
First of all I want to state my opposition to abortion. I believe that it goes against the teachings of God and is a sin. Where it stacks up among other sins I do not know, but I base my feelings on the following passage from scripture:
Before I formed you in the womb I knew you; Before
you were born I sanctified you;
Jeremiah 1:5
With that said, I believe that everyone has choices in this world and it is not for me to make those choices for others. I believe that when we stand before the judgment seat of Christ there will be no witnesses called. God will not ask me what I thought about your decisions; it will be each one of us alone before God. We all must search our own hearts in making decisions and there are few if any decisions that are as overwhelming for many women as the decision to have an abortion. It is a decision that has plagued many women for the rest of their lives. Even those who have gone on to have successful full term pregnancies afterwards are haunted by that faithful decision. I am not here to cast stones at anyone, for I am no one to judge another. My only hope and desire is that those in this position will find the support, love, and the wisdom to make the right decision.
I have lost two babies to abortions in my life that I know about. In each case it was a heart wrenching experience for my partners at the time and myself. In each situation I protested vehemently against having the abortion, but again each of us is responsible for our own decisions. The issue that I don’t think most women understand is how the abortion affects a lot of men. Of course for the most part unfortunately it is the man promoting the abortion for various selfish reasons, but there are many of us who deeply feel the lost of our unborn. Of course in both cases there were plenty of reasons for having the procedures; we’re too young, we aren’t established, we’re not ready, my career, and etc. It is in my nature to see both sides of an argument and it makes a lot of my decisions real torment; I go back and forth. Being the man of course limited my being able to offer anything more than an opinion, which was torture in itself. I would be reduced to a mere spectator in the decision on whether to keep my unborn child. Women, if you don’t know that was one of the most powerful feelings of powerlessness I have ever had. It was so difficult to be supportive and yet have feelings of anger, frustration, and fear.
Because of my beliefs, it was more than just the life of my unborn child that troubled my spirit. It was also the soul of my partner that caused me great alarm; I worried for their eternal life. It is amazing to me how we waxed so poetically about our love for one another, yet many of us care absolutely nothing about the eternal destination of our partners. If I truly love someone shouldn’t I want to protect their eternal life as much as I want to protect their physical life? If I could avoid placing them in positions that could jeopardize their souls by controlling my selfish desires, shouldn’t I want to do it? Do I love that person more than I love myself? I think so many of us err in our choices for partners because we don’t do the homework, we don’t ask the right the questions. Some don’t ask the right questions because they don’t want to hear the answer they are going to receive.
The women in each of these cases were “good” women. They were loving, kind, and considerate. They both in my opinion would have made excellent mothers. I don’t think that either took their responsibilities lightly or the dreadful decision that they would have to make. In each case the process of deciding was torment for both of us. It took us to the brink of terminating our relationship and back again. In each case the relationship was never repaired to its previous state. In both cases I lost not only the unborn, but my partners as well. In each case the lost was devastating.
The point I want to stress is that today I realize if we had remained in the state that God had intended for us, these decisions would not have been necessary to make. The attending loss of trust and intimacy would have not been necessary. There are those who will say, “Or you could have used a condom, but that is really not the answer. This is not the answer for me because it is merely treating the symptom and not the underlying cause. I know today that God’s plan is the best plan for my life; He gives me instructions not to punish me but to protect me. I can never articulate the pain and anguish that my partners and I suffered during these times, nor do I believe that any single mothers can articulate the struggle of her life trying to raise children alone. I know that raising children with two parents is a herculean endeavor. I see the hardship daily in the lives of all the single mothers I encounter. I have never met a woman yet who did not continue to be haunted by their decision years later to have an abortion. If we want to avoid the results, we must avoid the cause. We must remain pure at all costs.
To those who have had to struggle and make that dreadful decision my heart goes out to you, because I too am bruised and hurt. I want you to know that there is no condemnation at the cross, there is forgiveness and reconciliation. Come to the “Healer” and be healed, there is no sin so bad that it will not be forgiven. I first must ask for that forgiveness.
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