Help For the Single Mother (Part 1)

And He said to them, “Go into all the world and
preach the gospel to every creature.

Mark 16:15

While I believe in the Boys Town project, I am a realist and I don’t think we as a people have the courage or the will to make it a reality. Since it also does not appear like our young women are going to stop having babies. I have decided to put up some simple common-sense ideas to help single mothers trying to raise male children. I was recently contacted by a number of women who wanted to know what to do “after the cow has left the barn”, I was struck by the request because so often we ignore those who need the help most, because we are so busy concentrating on getting our point or agenda across. I would like to state for the record that I believe that my job on this earth is not to convert anyone to my religion. That is not what God has me here to do, what my job is in conjunction with God is to introduce the people I encounter to the One who sent me.

So many Churches today measure their success by earthly standards. How many “souls we saved”, how many are in Sunday school, and my favorite how much is in the “building fund”. I don’t believe that this is how God measures the success of the Church. Nowhere in the Bible have I located a passage that says convert anyone to anything. Jesus speaks of us being converted to little children[1], not little Baptists, or Methodist, or COGIC, but little children. I say these things to say that all I want to do is to introduce you to my Master; I am not here to judge anyone. I write the things I write out of love for my people, not out of judgment. It is my fervent hope and prayer that we return to our rightful place under God’s authority. The Bible talks about unless we are “born again”[2], we will not see the Kingdom of God. I don’t know of any Church that can give a man new birth, only God can do that.

So the first idea is your male child needs a male role-model around for learning what a man is. It doesn’t have to be his biological father. It doesn’t have to be a man around all the time, but it must be someone consistently in the child’s life. Someone he can count on to be there and someone he can trust and talk to. This role can be filled by an acquaintance, a teacher, or a relative. Who the person is not as important as what that person is and what they represent. The person should be a man of strong character with patience and love for children. I know it is hard to believe that are still Black men of this caliber around, it is just that they are outnumbered by the selfish ones. Any man will not fill the void, again it is not about just having someone there, it is about the character of the man there. So often, Black women are attracted to the men who are not good fathers, husbands, or providers; instead they are drawn to the flashy, smooth talkers. Look at the women of other races they will marry men who are not the best looking, best dressers, they will take the one who they know they can depend on, the one that will love them and provide for them. He may not be the most exciting and fun person, but he will not desert you when you get pregnant, nor will he desert his children.

So where are these role models? Where should you begin to look to find them? I would start at a church or a community center. I would contact male relatives that are being responsible. Remember this isn’t about you getting married or finding a mate, it is about you providing your son with a male to fashion himself after. It is to give him an outlet for his “male energy”. The reason most of our young men are in gangs or hanging out with the “homeboys” is because they don’t have any outlet for their natural male aggression. They end up channeling it in negative ways, but if they had been provided with a positive influence maybe it would have been different. I would contact Big Brothers or some other mentoring program. In our larger cities there are men who have volunteered to provide our young men with the positive role model. You have to look, but they are out there. In the rural communities there usually is a more extended family atmosphere in the community, so I have found it easier to locate role models in that setting.

I know that as a single mother you want to protect your child and I am not advocating just anybody for the role. Research has shown that boys that have regular, stable men in their lives do better. As mothers you must be willing and make the effort to provide that child what he needs. If that child needed a particular medicine what would you do to get it for him? It is the same here, he needs this companionship to mature into a strong Black man and isn’t this what you want for him?

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[1] Matthew 18:3

[2] John 3:3

Chapter 8, Part 6

Ministers of God, we should recognize the damage that fornication is doing to our people. At the rate we are going today there will not be many men left in our communities. We have been an endangered species for some time now. They will either be killed or locked up for many years. We should change how we do things. We should get out from behind the pulpits and get out into the streets. We are at war and under siege. Unfortunately many of us have been cowardice instead of being warriors for God. The Lord says He is with us mighty warriors.[1] We should begin to take the offensive and take back our communities one soul at a time. We have surrendered too much of our communities to the enemy. We have allowed the enemy to keep us captive in our own homes and churches. We should start a nationwide effort to stop this lawlessness that has overtaken our communities. We can no longer afford to turn a blind eye to what is taking place before us in our communities. The change has to begin with the Church. Why the Church you wonder, because our fight is not against flesh and blood, but rulers of darkness of this world.[2] It is going to take an outpouring of the Holy Spirit to overcome this atmosphere of sinfulness and rebelliousness. It is not going to come from the politicians, police, or any government agency. It has to come from the people of God. We must overcome our fear and complacency. Remember these are our children, they are angry and some of them are frightening, but they are still our children and our grandchildren. It is time for us to step up as a community to show them the love they so desperately are seeking. Sometimes love is tough and comes with discipline, so we must be willing to do what it takes to save our children from themselves. To save our people.

“For the lips of a priest should keep knowledge, and
people should seek the law from his mouth; For he
is the messenger of the LORD of hosts, but you
have departed from the way; You have caused
many to stumble at the law.”
Malachi 2:78

What is the message that you as a spokesperson for God are sending? Are you crying out against the sin that is being placed right before your eyes? Because of silence to the breaking of the law many are being led astray. The “easy gospel” has many in the Church on the fast track to hell. We should impart to the sheep of God, especially the young ones that obedience is love. We follow the Word of God not out of obligation but out of love.

“Again the kingdom of God is like a dragnet that was cast
into the sea and gathered some of every kind, which when
it was full, they drew to shore; and they gathered the good
into vessels, but threw the bad away.”
Matthew 13:46,47

In an effort to keep the seats full, many modern churches have cast such a wide net that they have allowed all manor of persons into the boat. In the parable all were gathered, but there was a separation once they got to shore. Because many modern churches now gauge their success by the world’s standards: most bodies in the pew, most money in the plate, or biggest building, there has been no separation. Now the pews are full of blatant sin. As the apostle Paul urged the church of Corinth in his first letter we can not allow blatant sin to go unchallenged.[3] Not only have some churches turned a blind eye to the blatant sin, they are putting those people who practice this blatant sin in positions of authority in the body. We are never to measure our success by the standards of the world. Following God must never be based on popularity or on numbers, it is based on the revealed Word of God. We are called to preach to a fallen world the risen Christ. This does not mean that we ignore sin in our midst, on the contrary we must be ever vigilant and vocal. This is not to say that we impose our will on others, God has never imposed His will on us. What gives some people the right to try to impose their version of the truth on others? This is why organized religion has done more to corrupt the world than to save the world. We do not impose the Word of God at the end of a gun. We present the Word and let God take care of the results. If there are those who choose to ignore the truth that is between their God and them. Who among us can judge the hearts of another? It is up to the mature Christian to teach the babes.

When the end comes there will be a separation of the wicked from the just. I pray that you will all be counted among the just, but that requires a complete surrender to God. As the Son completely surrendered to the Father so we must do likewise. Our Lord preached and walked among the sinners, yet did not sin. He confronted sin whenever He saw it and spoke out against it. Never did the Lord impose Himself on those He healed, he always ask what is it that you would have me do? We in the Church should do the same.

A church is a community of brothers and sisters who share love with one another and with Christ Jesus, the Head of the Church. Share the love of Christ and His hatred of sin. Christ is our example of how to love the sinner and still hate the sin. His example to us is not to judge and condemn others, because who are we to judge? The path to the Kingdom of Heaven is narrow, because on the one side we have sinfulness and on the other side is self-righteousness. Both are snares to the followers of Christ. For the Church, self-righteousness is the greater plague. In the days of our Lord they were known as Sadducees and Pharisees.[4] In their efforts to be pious they elevated the traditions of man over the commandments of God. They created all of these man made laws and gave them the same status as the commandments of God. True spiritual power is found in the heart of one believer who through the power of God’s Spirit is able to follow the teachings of Christ, not in all these rituals of the church with all there pomp and circumstance. It is when that one believer realizes and accepts his need for complete dependence on God that the true redemption takes place. Instead the Church has created stumbling blocks to keep the believers from the laws of God.

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[1] Judges 6:12

[2] Ephesians 6:12

[3] 1 Corinthians 5:9

[4] Matthew 16:6