And He said to them, “Go into all the world and
preach the gospel to every creature.
Mark 16:15
While I believe in the Boys Town project, I am a realist and I don’t think we as a people have the courage or the will to make it a reality. Since it also does not appear like our young women are going to stop having babies. I have decided to put up some simple common-sense ideas to help single mothers trying to raise male children. I was recently contacted by a number of women who wanted to know what to do “after the cow has left the barn”, I was struck by the request because so often we ignore those who need the help most, because we are so busy concentrating on getting our point or agenda across. I would like to state for the record that I believe that my job on this earth is not to convert anyone to my religion. That is not what God has me here to do, what my job is in conjunction with God is to introduce the people I encounter to the One who sent me.
So many Churches today measure their success by earthly standards. How many “souls we saved”, how many are in Sunday school, and my favorite how much is in the “building fund”. I don’t believe that this is how God measures the success of the Church. Nowhere in the Bible have I located a passage that says convert anyone to anything. Jesus speaks of us being converted to little children[1], not little Baptists, or Methodist, or COGIC, but little children. I say these things to say that all I want to do is to introduce you to my Master; I am not here to judge anyone. I write the things I write out of love for my people, not out of judgment. It is my fervent hope and prayer that we return to our rightful place under God’s authority. The Bible talks about unless we are “born again”[2], we will not see the Kingdom of God. I don’t know of any Church that can give a man new birth, only God can do that.
So the first idea is your male child needs a male role-model around for learning what a man is. It doesn’t have to be his biological father. It doesn’t have to be a man around all the time, but it must be someone consistently in the child’s life. Someone he can count on to be there and someone he can trust and talk to. This role can be filled by an acquaintance, a teacher, or a relative. Who the person is not as important as what that person is and what they represent. The person should be a man of strong character with patience and love for children. I know it is hard to believe that are still Black men of this caliber around, it is just that they are outnumbered by the selfish ones. Any man will not fill the void, again it is not about just having someone there, it is about the character of the man there. So often, Black women are attracted to the men who are not good fathers, husbands, or providers; instead they are drawn to the flashy, smooth talkers. Look at the women of other races they will marry men who are not the best looking, best dressers, they will take the one who they know they can depend on, the one that will love them and provide for them. He may not be the most exciting and fun person, but he will not desert you when you get pregnant, nor will he desert his children.
So where are these role models? Where should you begin to look to find them? I would start at a church or a community center. I would contact male relatives that are being responsible. Remember this isn’t about you getting married or finding a mate, it is about you providing your son with a male to fashion himself after. It is to give him an outlet for his “male energy”. The reason most of our young men are in gangs or hanging out with the “homeboys” is because they don’t have any outlet for their natural male aggression. They end up channeling it in negative ways, but if they had been provided with a positive influence maybe it would have been different. I would contact Big Brothers or some other mentoring program. In our larger cities there are men who have volunteered to provide our young men with the positive role model. You have to look, but they are out there. In the rural communities there usually is a more extended family atmosphere in the community, so I have found it easier to locate role models in that setting.
I know that as a single mother you want to protect your child and I am not advocating just anybody for the role. Research has shown that boys that have regular, stable men in their lives do better. As mothers you must be willing and make the effort to provide that child what he needs. If that child needed a particular medicine what would you do to get it for him? It is the same here, he needs this companionship to mature into a strong Black man and isn’t this what you want for him?
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