When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child,
I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
1 Corinthians 13:11
The next idea I would like to share is about how we see our children. For many women, the child is an extension of themselves or the man who fathered of the child. In too many cases women are thinking, if I can’t have the man I will have the child; as if a child were some sort of consolation prize. I’m sorry, but too often we excuse women because they are women, I can no longer in good conscious keep silent. Women write and comment concerning my writings that I am bashing women, nothing could be further from the truth. What I am bashing is selfishness on the part of both men and women. Men for the simple fact that they are allowing their need for selfish gratification to cause them to create children they have no intention of raising and women because they selfishly have children for companionship, as if they were some kind of live doll. I know for a fact that there are women who know they are not going to be with the man that is lying with them, but for the sake of their own selfishness they want a child.
There is enough blame is this thing for everyone, but the real issue is what about the children. Who is concerned about them? Who is willing to sacrifice and lay aside false pride and selfishness to improve the lives of our children? I have women writing me saying how they are the ones who are there for these children and that is true, but what about the selfishness in putting them in that position in the first place? Where is being there for them then? I know we are slaves to our passions and we cannot control our urges, as if we were just beasts in the field with no self-control.
Women you should not look at your son as their father, they are not. They may someday resemble him, but they will always be their own unique person. God has made us all to be unique creations and worthy of love and acceptance.[1] There is a tendency to want to identify our children with the parent, especially if there is conflict in the relationship or if the biological parent has deserted the relationship. Unfortunately sometimes there is a propensity to demonize the father through the child. This can be done by denigrating the father in front of the child and expecting the child to co-sign with the assessment.
It has been my experience that no matter how bad a parent may be as a partner or as a parent, children will always rally around them. Many times I have witnessed where one parent will try to turn a child against the other parent and it backfires. Nobody wants to be told that the person they love is unlovable. It seems to be human nature that we want to kill the messenger instead of heeding the message. Children appear to be no different and maybe even more so.
The other way women can view their sons as the father is that they ascribe the same traits of the father to the son. “You are a liar just like your father”, is a good one and I am sure there are many more. Again, if there is a strong resemblance the tendency seems to increase. Many times we become what we are called or who we are identified as, especially when we are young. The attitude can be, what’s the use I will be called or accuse of it anyway. We must not break our children’s spirits. There are certain things we will have to break in them, but their spirit should never be one of them.
Take time out today to see your son as the beautiful, unique, and precious gift that God created him to be. Nurture his identity and special gifts. Water his creativity, so that they may bloom in due season.
